Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
