He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
