Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He felt like a one man threesome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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