You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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