went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
