Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
