It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just gift wrapped bread.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
