I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
