Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
