my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
