Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
