did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
