Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
