1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
