Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
