My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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