i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
