oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I believe in your delicious
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
