So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
