My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
