Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
