I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ruined the universe
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
