so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
