also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
