4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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