I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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