I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
