she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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