Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
