Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
