Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
