Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
