you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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