You're completely useless in the revolution.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
