Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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