Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
third nipple confirmed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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