you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
