The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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