I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
