his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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