Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
