I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
