WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
