i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
