so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
