ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
