How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
