i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
