I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
