everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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