did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think my moral compass just broke
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