are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
