About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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